I like this quote from Pema Chodron, even if she does use the faddish buzz words ‘lean in':
…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are..
via Someone Has Frustrated You. Now What Do You Do? | Psychology Today.
This is a good article about making a response that is about you and not about someone else. Sometimes I worry that focusing so much on Self will create a generation or two of narcissists, but I can see how focusing on our reactions first helps us to check unreasonable anger and perhaps even violence if we are so inclined. Perhaps we should be teaching children similar techniques in controlling their reactions. The hard part is checking ourselves quickly before we react.